MAR 03 2013 00:00
by Asynca
Summary: A series of journal entries by Sam leading up to the capsizing of the S.S. Endurance. Lara/Sam Pre-slash. No spoilers.


**MAR 03 2013 00:00**

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By Asynca, who is twitching from all the tense-swapping.

Preslash.

This is a prompt by The Hermit. Best name evaar?

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FEB 22 2013 17:14

Sharing a room with Lara is just like being at college again.

Looking around it, it does kind of feel like London. It's fucking tiny and beds are really narrow. The sheets are also some cheap blend of cotton that's like rewoven canvas or something, I'm so glad I brought my own blankets. Poor Lara's still using the ship ones, though.

She's actually sitting at the desk right now, hunched over this map she found in a fifty-year old thesis about the Dragon's Triangle. Every few minutes she sighs and leans back, mutters to herself, and then keeps going. It's really cute. Actually, I'm totally going to film it.

FEB 23 2013 06:11

I forgot Lara gets up at the crack of dawn. FML.

FEB 23 2013 06:14

Since I'm awake, I'm going to get up and go see what she's up to. If she's doing yoga or something on the deck, that would look _so awesome_ on video. That stuff looks great in fillers, and those pants she wears would so complete rope in the male audience.

FEB 23 2013 15:44

Was a pretty productive day for me, actually.

We all sort of know each other, but it's been ages since Lara's seen Reyes so they had a lot of catch up on. I don't know her that well, and I can't really tell if she likes me or not. She keeps giving me this hard stare like she wants to tell me to fuck off with the camera, but at the last second remembers that the camera's why she's getting paid.

She's actually a great character to throw into the mix for Whitman's show, because she's not even trying to be nice to people. I mean, she's not outright rude or anything usually, but she doesn't mess around. It's great. If you have a show full of people who were as sweet as Lara, unless you put them all in bikinis the viewers would be changing the channel in like five seconds.

Alex is totally turning into the kicked puppy, though. Everyone walks completely all over him. I kind of feel sorry for him, but he was smiling after Reyes snarked at him earlier. I don't think he minds. I wonder if the female viewers would go for that? He's cute enough, I guess. I could really make him look so sweet and so tragic that every woman in the world is going to want to rescue him from us. I'll have to think about how I want him to come across.

Grim and Roth are hilarious. I don't even need to edit that crap, I can just run it raw. The only problem is when they get stuck into their discussions about football their accents get really strong, especially when one of their players scores. That could be pretty funny in itself, though.

I don't really know much about Jonah. He's really quiet. He has this teddy-bear appeal about him, though, despite the fact he's covered in tats and scars. I got this great shot of him looking up over a soup-pot and smiling at the camera today. It was really warm and really genuine.

Whitman… God, I don't know what to do about him. He's so fucking wooden on film. It's no wonder his show was cancelled, you point a camera at him and he turns into a pompous ass. I would totally be prepared to show that to the viewers, except it's his show and he's supposed to be the hero of it, so I can't really make him into the biggest asshole on the planet. I'll just have to make sure I get a _lot_ of footage of him so there'll be _some_ good stuff to pick from.

That just leaves Lara. If I had my way, I'd totally make her the star of the show. She has that unsuspecting heroine appeal about her, gorgeous but doesn't even notice. It's very Disney. All she needs is a pair of glasses and she's practically a stereotype.

She relaxes on camera, too. Probably because I've been following her around with them for the last few years so she hardly notices anymore. It's a huge difference between the way she comes across on film and the way the others do. You point a camera at them and they perform for it, but not Lara.

I can see her in the locker mirror while she's sitting at the desk. She has a pencil behind her ear, it's _totally_ adorable. I have to get a shot of that.

FEB 23 2013 22:21

Lara fell asleep with the laptop on her stomach. I feel like a bad person for it, but I took some footage of her passed out surrounded but all those maps and charts because you just can't even fake those scenes. To make up for it, though, I very carefully put all of it on her desk and tucked her in.

She looked really comfy and I was this close to getting into bed behind her. She wouldn't have minded, but nooooo Sam, nooo. Down, girl. Plus, like, those scratchy sheets.

FEB 24 2013 08:13

Why the hell did I let her talk me into yoga? I haven't done any stretching since I took like three ballet lessons when I was six. I think I've pulled every muscle in my body. She even took the camera at one point and filmed me in a twisted pile on the deck.

It might be kind of funny to show some shots of her doing all these expert poses and me, like, falling over, groaning and basically completely failing to copy her.

FEB 24 2013 12:32

Jonah's cooking is going to turn me into a mini Jonah. I just can't stop eating it. Good thing I'm usually behind the camera and not in front of it.

FEB 24 2013 20:13

Spent all day trying to figure out how to get some sympathetic footage of Whitman. I figured that maybe adding Jonah to the shots might soften him, but it just made him look even more uptight and more annoying in comparison.

Does he seriously think anyone gives a crap about his archaeological credentials? He keeps reeling them off like we should all be bowing before him or something. It got to the point where I couldn't even operate the camera because he was being so difficult, so I gave it to Alex and stood on the side to actually direct him. Who has to direct scenes in a _reality show_?

He is unbelievable. I'd have pulled funding on him, too.

FEB 24 2013 21:44

I gave Lara a French braid while she was translating some old Yamatai texts. Well, re-translating, since she'd decided she must have done it all wrong the first time and wanted to see if she missed anything. She's not too bad at it, actually. Her spoken Japanese is a bit weird – she doesn't drop any particles and I always kind of think she sounds like she's reading text out of a book. She didn't mistranslate it, though.

I like her with a braid and all her hair off her face. She should wear it like that more often. I took a couple of photos to show her, but she made a face and pulled it out. It's probably for the best, though, because she doesn't like any hairstyle that takes more than three seconds to do.

FEB 25 2013 07:59

I am _never_ going to get any good at this yoga thing. My muscles are killing me and Lara's like some ninja or something. She can put her head completely against her knees with her legs out in front of her. I get about halfway and practically start crying.

FEB 25 2013 10:14

All the woman have to share the same set of showers which is kind of fucked up. Apparently these ships usually have a very scant female crew and so they're actually built without dual sets of bathrooms everywhere.

Anyway, Lara was just drying off when I was getting ready to take a shower. I've seen her naked a million times so it's no big deal for her, so she's just standing there with a towel around her middle going on about some chart she's analyzed that she thinks might have some clues about Yamatai when Reyes wanders in.

We're both naked.

She looks between us really uncomfortably and then actually _apologizes_ and leaves.

Lara looks really surprised for a second and is like, "That's odd for Reyes. Normally she'd be fighting you for the shower," but then she just goes on and on about the boring chart again.

I kind of didn't want to tell her that it was obvious Reyes thought we'd been showering together. Man, I wish.

FEB 25 2013 22:41

I accidentally filmed Reyes luring Roth into her cabin in the afternoon, and at dinner when she was really weird to me I didn't know if it was about the shower incident or the fact that Roth had caught me filming them in the hallway.

Roth wasn't weird about it, at least. He didn't say anything, either.

I asked Lara if she knew that Reyes and Roth were sleeping together and said, verbatim, "Sam, that's none of our business."

I'm like, duh, that's why it's so interesting…

FEB 26 2013 20:03

It was a pretty slow day today. I couldn't find where Lara went for most of it without actually checking everyone's rooms. For a while in there I couldn't find Alex, either, and I had this total panic that Lara had ended up getting with him, after all. It's dumb, though, because she totally wouldn't. I'm just paranoid.

Luckily, however, I found him up on deck editing Wikipedia again. He went on some rant about this fight he was having about something or rather with some guy on the Internet. I just smiled and kept filming because it would be good to have some shots of him going off about something. Mainly I was just relieved he wasn't stalking after Lara somewhere.

I always kind of worry that when someone hits on you for years you have this moment of weakness where you're like, "Maybe I'll just do it," and Lara's moment of weakness will be with _Alex_.

FEB 26 2013 22:24

I need to get a fucking grip.

When I check our room again I discover Lara _is_ actually there, lying face down on her bed and buried in books. Because the bunk is so high, it's really difficult to see her when she's lying down so I didn't spot her before.

So I go in there and she's like, "Sam, I don't think I can do this," and then starts getting really teary over the pressure to come up with something regarding Yamatai. Of course she's not going to be wandering around the ship like that.

Here's me, worrying Lara's off hooking up with Alex and she's actually _still_ completely obsessed with Yamatai.

I spend some time comforting her and then convince her to come and eat some of Jonah's cooking. She gives me this big hug and then cries a bit more into my shoulder before cleaning herself up as if she'd never shed a tear in her life.

She did actually end up laughing a bit with Grim – that man is fucking hilarious, it's impossible to _not_ laugh with him. Roth saw straight through her smile, though, and whisked her away to talk. It was a little disappointing because _I_ wanted to be the one to be there for her tonight. She doesn't get to see him that often, though, so I can't really complain.

FEB 27 2013 06:31

I didn't do yoga with Lara this morning. She probably shouldn't have done it, either, because neither of us got to sleep until, like, two a.m. or something.

She's really stressed out about this Yamatai stuff. She hardly talks about anything else, and she doesn't do_ anything _except pour over those charts and sit analyzing and re-analyzing all the texts.

She was going on and on about storms and ships and completely working herself up so I climbed up into her bed with her and made her scoot over. It's really nice just to sit hugging her. There's something really peaceful about having your arms around someone. Lara practically keeps everyone except me and Roth at fifty feet, so when she hugs me I feel really special.

Yeah, I know how that sounds. I wonder if I'll look back on this in like fifty years and be like, "Wow, Sam, you were completely tragic when you were 22."

Hi, future self. I hope you've actually grown some balls by now.

FEB 28 2013 08:14

Okay, I did yoga again. I'm a sucker for punishment. I set up the studio cam to film us this time.

It was pretty funny this morning, actually. Lara was on top of me, trying (and failing) to get my leg into the right position to get a really good stretch through my hamstring, and Alex comes out from below deck and is like…. Whooooooaaa. Then he's like, "Hey, if you need some muscle in there, then you can just ask."

Lara gives him this _look_ and then says really pleasantly, "Thanks, you don't need to put your muscle anywhere. We've got all we need."

I was giggling so much after that there was no way I was going to be able to focus enough to get a good stretch. Lara fell on top of me.

I had a look at the footage afterwards and it does kind of look like I deliberately set the scene up so that two hot girls are writhing all over each other. Alex is standing in the background looking really flustered and uncomfortable. It will look_ hilarious_ on TV. Best filler ever.

When I zoomed in, I could see Lara was smiling into my shoulder. I took a screen cap of that and downloaded it onto my iPhone.

MAR 01 2013 00:16

Oh, my god. I'm _wasted_. I'm watching Lara trying to change into her pyjamas. She's struggling to take off her bra while laughing hysterically and she keeps falling against the locker. It's the funniest thing I've ever seen. It's taking her like ten minutes.

MAR 01 2013 10:55

There are not enough painkillers in the world for my headache. Lara is actually still asleep above me, I think, which just shows what a big night we had.

I made Lara take a break from her work and come drinking out of the deck with some of us. It was a really fun night and I don't really remember much of what happened. I was filming for most of it, though, so there should hopefully be some evidence.

MAR 01 2013 12:01

So I was just looking at the footage from last night when Lara climbs down the ladder, completely topless. I guess in her drunken haze she managed to get her bra off but not her singlet actually on.

She thinks I've got the camera pointed at her and she's like, "_Sam!_"

And I'm like, "Noooo, I'm just looking at the video from last night."

And she's like, "Oh, right."

So she comes and pushes me over in bed and lies in there next to me to watch the footage. Next to me. Totally topless, like it's the most normal thing ever.

Okay, so she did have the blanket over her chest so I couldn't see it the whole time, but I was completely aware it was _right there_.

I need to get off this ship before I completely fuck everything up.

MAR 01 2013 18:12

I gave the handheld to one of the crew to take around the ship with him during the evening. I thought it would be kind of cool to have some footage of people just going about their jobs on the ship. When he came back, though, Lara and Whitman were in the middle of this huge argument while we were all sitting around the table.

Lara had basically told Whitman to stop taking himself more seriously than the expedition, and, wow. I mean, she hadn't said it in that many words because she's too polite, but it was clear what she meant.

Everyone got involved in the argument and eventually Roth was like, "That's it, I'm the captain, we'll do what Lara says," or something like that.

So we're going to sail into some giant storms. I hope there's lightening, because having lightening in the background of shots makes them look really dramatic.

Anyway, the crew guy got all of it on tape and it's actually pretty good. Definitely really great timing.

MAR 01 2013 20:22

Whitman will hardly talk to any of us and won't let me take any video of him. Why the hell does he think he's getting paid for this trip, anyway? I swear to God, I don't care whose show it is, I'm going to turn him into the villain in editing. Maybe he'll have some actual viewers for a change.

Lara had to actually march me out of the kitchen at one point because I was this close to just yelling at him to grow the fuck up.

MAR 02 2013 07:38

No yoga this morning. It's absolutely bucketing rain outside and the ship keeps lurching sideways.

Like, I'll just be walking to the showers and suddenly I'll be falling into the wall of the corridor. It's really creepy to think that a ship this big can still bounce around like that. The waves must be pretty big.

MAR 02 2013 18:17

I just was going back to the cabin to change over the card in my camera, and Lara was sitting on my bed just gazing at that graduation photo of us in her hands.

She looks up at me with this sweet expression and says, "Where would I be without you, Sam?"

For a minute I'm totally panicking because I don't know what she's doing. My heart's going crazy in my chest and I'm like, oh my God, this can't be happening now.

…And then she's like, "You're always so supportive, I'm _so_ lucky. I hope we never stop being friends." Then she stands up and gives me this big, completely platonic hug and then goes and sticks the photo back in her locker.

I'm totally not going to make a closet joke about where she's stuck us, I'm not. FML.

MAR 02 2013 22:09

I was going to write a big entry about how wild these storms are, but Alex and Reyes are complaining the the comm equipment is down and I want to get some footage of them trying to fix it.

I think I'm writing this because I'm procrastinating about going down to the control room. Just walking around the cabin is really scary. We're just rattling around in it while the ship's going everywhere.

All my stuff has fallen all over the place and Lara's even given up trying to read because her books keep slipping off the desk. Even the _desk_ is sliding across the floor.

I have this image of my journal just leaping off the bed into Lara's lap while she's listening to music. Knowing my luck it would fall open at today's entries, too.

I don't know what would happen if she ever read them.

Ugh, guess I'd better go or I'm going to miss some _great_ shots.


End file.
